Today we are going to talk about consciously crafting your ideal sex life. You can do this if you are currently in a relationship or start looking at what you want to attract in your next one. Use your single time productively and you’ll be in for the best relationship of your life when you date again!
Several years ago I crafted a worksheet to help you to get clarity on your likes and dislikes. I will cover a bit of it tonight and we will be offering an abbreviated version of it when you sign up for our newsletter. The full 13+ page masterpiece will be for sale on www.ThePassionZone.com for a price to be determined.
You may be asking, “Why is this so important? Why can’t I just hop into bed with someone and see how things go?” Or, “Scarlet, in the movies, Channing Tatum never needs instructions so it’s got to be that way in real life, right?”
Um….no. Some of you may think that talking about this takes the romance or spontaneity out of the relationship. My dears, you’ve been brainwashed by romantic movies, romance novels, and/or porn. Excellent relationships and sex both require enormous amounts of knowledge, both of the subject matter as well as yourself, and communication. Now if you wanna settle for ho-hum sex and relationships ’cause you’re scared of a little work, scurry along. I wanna talk to the real women (and men!) out there, the ones who want it all! If you want it all- passion, sexual adventure, mutual satisfaction, full-body orgasms- then put on your big girl panties and let’s rock this!
This is why this is so important: you don’t want to end up in a great relationship with a great guy but without sexual compatibility. I was with a gorgeous guy several years ago. On the outside we looked like such a perfect couple that more than once strangers remarked that we must have been together for years or maybe in past lives. Admittedly, there were multiple problems with the relationship, but even if everything outside the bedroom had been perfect, our sexual tastes were 180 degrees out of sync. This despite the fact that our first sexual encounter was very exciting and pleasurable.
I think that the high divorce rate in our culture is related to the epidemic of sexless relationships. And I’m strong believer that this can be cured. But I’m even stronger believer in just avoiding it to begin with. Know yourself and know what you like. Have the courage to go after your highest desires…it’s the only hope you have of having them. Discuss with potential partners what you like and what you don’t. Know what you can and can’t live with or without in your sexual relationship and don’t compromise your happiness. If a potential partner expresses a dislike of oral sex but it’s something you can’t live without, tell him and let him walk away, thereby saving you both years of misery.
So my suggestion of the week, is to spend a little time asking yourself: what would my ideal sex life look like? To aid with this (and also to shamelessly promote our newsletter so that we can keep in touch with you and keep you informed), Allie and I have created a worksheet that you can have for free when you sign up. We are having a bit of tech difficulties at the moment but will have it ready for you in a few days.
Also, there is a 13+ page colossal version of the Your Ideal Sex Life worksheet. I am formatting it tonight and it will be available to purchase and download in just a couple of days.
A couple of episodes from now, we will be talking about how to communicate this information to your partners in the best possible way so make sure to listen then!
Now, if you’re already in a relationship and you’re sexually incompatible, don’t worry. Both Allie and I are capable coaches who can help with these situations. Or you can keep tuning into The Passion Zone. We will be covering this topic from that angle in a few months.
See you next week!