Couples · People You Need To Know · Single · Uncategorized

The 6 Ways Women over 30 Sabotage Love by Lara & Johnny Fernandez

{I am reposting this on behalf of Lara & Johnny Fernandez.  This is from their awesome newsletter.  Their focus is on helping people find their soulmates, but they also work with established couples.  Be sure to get on their mailing list because they have a lot of wisdom.  I haven’t yet been able to take their courses but it’s on my list for this next year!

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Are you over 30, single and sick of it? Are you wanting to find your beloved soulmate to spend the rest of your life with but can’t seem to find the right guy, though it’s certainly NOT for a lack of trying? Keep reading. You may be self sabotaging your chances for the love you desire.

Here’s a 6 point list of beliefs, mindset, and actions that could be keeping you single.

1. “All men are players”.
This kind of mindset is a surefire way to keep yourself blocked from a healthy relationship. If all men were TRULY players, then there’s just no chance for YOU to have the monogamous, long-term marriage that you desire. And if you believe that, you will continue to attract relationships that prove you right! You can pooh-pooh The Law of Attraction all you want, but let me tell you, sister… there’s a lot of truth in it. In fact, psychologists call this a self fulfilling prophecy. The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” was coined in 1948 by sociologist Robert Merton to describe “a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the originally false conception come true”.

2. Focusing on what you think MEN want, instead of what YOU want.
Focusing exclusively on what you think a man wants, instead of honoring who you really are at your core and the type of person that you are is a recipe for unhealthy relationships. It’s good to know in general what most quality men are looking for in their dream woman, but the main focus should really be on YOU. Focus on being the woman who the heroine of her own story first, then your hero will come to you.

3. Never (or rarely) challenging yourself in life.
Most women are brought up to just be nice and pretty, and then we are rewarded for that by most of the people around us. Challenge yourself to do, be and have an extraordinary life… BEFORE your soulmate shows up!  So what do I mean by this? I mean… get out of your comfort zone on the regular. Take a class on a subject that challenges you. If you’re not an outdoorsy type of person, go camping with some friends. If you are an outdoorsy type of person but feel slightly uncomfortable at the opera… get some tickets and dress up in a fancy dress and enjoy a night at the opera! It may not be “you”… and it’s okay to stretch yourself beyond your ego mind’s perception of who you are and the “type” of person you are. Be willing to push past your comfort zone a little and enjoy yourself by being present to the joys of life wherever you are… that’s magnetic!

4. Thinking you have all the answers.
If you are over 30, single and really don’t want to be, then there’s still some more you need to learn about yourself, about men (or women), and relationships. Be willing to have what the Buddhists call a “beginner’s mind”. Besides, people who are know-it-alls are NOT attractive to a healthy relationship… they either end up pushing a perfectly good person away or attracting a person who is insecure. Stay humble (yet balanced with a gentle confidence) in your pursuit of your dream life.

5. Not being kind to yourself.
The inner self critic (also known as the ego mind, the gremlin, or what I call “the old bitch upstairs”) is your worst saboteur. Yes, it’s important to be “real” about yourself and your issues… and it’s crucial to not beat yourself up about them either. We’ve all got issues. The question is, what are we gonna do about them? If you are doing what you can to grow yourself in mind, body, spirit, and heart, and you’ve got expert support, then there’s no reason to be unkind to yourself. Just keep learning and growing into the soulmate self you want to be, get feedback from your love coach/mentor and in divine right timing, your beloved will show up.

6. Giving all your energy to your career or business, with no focus on love or relationship.
Your career won’t keep you warm at night or snuggle up with you or bring you hot tea in the morning. Yes, I know that your business or career is important, yes I know it pays the bills, and I hope it’s fulfilling to you. It’s important… yes, but it’s not all of who you are and nor should it be. Focusing only on building your business or career track tends to make us one-dimensional and let’s not forget that the skills needed for shooting up the corporate ladder are very different than the skills for opening your heart again to love, magnetizing soulmate love and then keeping him/her.

In the book, The 5 Regrets of the Dying, written by a hospice nurse who had spent over 30 years caring for people who were dying, she writes:

Second Biggest Regret of the dying: “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”.

“This came from every patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. [They] deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

Since most of us women have been or are breadwinners, let us heed this advice and prevent this regret from ever being ours!

And before you think I’m being anti-feminist or anti-women’s rights, think again. I’m a professional woman myself, and I was building a solid business as a chiropractic doctor while I did the inner work to attract Johnny. I was working a LOT, and at first thought I would put off love until I got my business more successful, but after learning from my love mentor that NOW is the time (especially as I was 29 years old and wanted a family) to focus on becoming the hero of my own story and attracting my beloved and to start thinking abundance thinking as opposed to scarcity thinking-which means, I could do BOTH. BOTH build a successful biz and attract my soulmate at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive. I am SO glad I listened to her!

So there you have it: the top 6 ways women self sabotage their love life. Do you see yourself on this list at all? If so, are you willing to make the inner shifts necessary? I’d love to hear from you! What do you plan to do differently now that you’ve read this article? Please share with me in the comments below what you got out of it and what will change for you now as a result. Oh, and please do LIKE and share this article if you like it and find it valuable for you. I love to hear from you and I do my best to respond to every comment.

Have a fantastic week!

Please leave your comments here. I’d love to hear from you…

About Us
Dr. Lara Fernandez and Johnny Fernandez, J.D. are soulmates on a mission. Blending Lara’s warmth and magical manifesting mojo with Johnny’s 20 years of experience in education their unique, fun, and effective Love Breakthrough & LoveLaunch courses and programs now help women worldwide to create a life that they truly love with the love of their life by their side.
Single, successful, spiritual women travel from across North America to the San Francisco Bay Area of California to learn from Johnny and Lara personally at the life-changing Love Breakthrough Weekend, while others access their powerful teachings worldwide through their telecourses, group mentoring programs, and home learning courses.

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