It’s February and we all know what that means: Valentine’s Day. For many this may mean flowers, gourmet meals, and romantic lovemaking. For many more, however, it can mean a day of battling thoughts of unworthiness because they don’t have a special someone with whom to share the day.
This was my conundrum several years ago when I found myself single for the first time in 7 years. I had made the mistake of jumping from one 5 year relationship into a 2 year pairing, thereby insuring that I took all my baggage from one and transferred it to another. When the second one ended–badly– I made the courageous decision to stay single and work on myself before jumping back into the dating scene. I felt good about the decision…until Valentine’s Day started to loom ever closer.
Then I started to freak out and do a lot of whining to my mentor at the time. He was a bit more cynical about love than I ever hope to be but he did say something that gave me pause: He asked how many people I knew in relationships that were actually happy. I had to admit, that at least in my circles at that time, most of the couples I knew weren’t having that great of a time. I knew then and know now that it isn’t always the case but it made me realize I’d rather be single than in another crazy, chaotic, miserable relationship. And I had sense enough to know that given the state I was in (in need of much clearing of my own personal demons) going out to desperately try to meet someone would likely produce that exact result. Either I would attract the same kind of man I’d been attracting or, if I managed to find a good guy, I’d blow it because I wasn’t ready.
So I decided I would be my own Valentine. I bought myself a cute outfit, candy, roses, balloons, my first real gold ring, and, of course, a sex toy. On the night of the February 13th, I arranged everything in a gorgeous display on my coffee table so it would greet me when I got up the next day. I even had a card for myself which I had left a beautiful, loving message in. I think having the display was what really made it special since I could buy myself things at any time.
It may sound lame but it really bolstered my spirits that year. I had the privileged of shopping for a wonderful Valentine (me!) and receiving the perfect gifts (all exactly the right colors, sizes, styles, etc.) from a thoroughly thoughtful lover (myself!).
If you find yourself alone this time of year and you’re feeling down about it, maybe give something like this a try. Or perhaps agree to be your best friend’s Valentine, if you’re both single. Or maybe get all your single friends together that day for dinner and a movie.
I would love to hear from folks about strategies you’ve used in the past to survive V-Day or what you plan to do this year. Please leave some comments for me below!